I happen to be woman, hear me deconstruct

The other day, a man with whom I've had regular interaction over the last year said, "I happen to be gay." This was no shocking revelation -- he dresses exceptionally well, is in great shape, and has remained a bachelor well past marrying age. He also registers a subtle positive on gaydar, but in the era of metrosexuality one cannot assume.

But I've been preoccupied with the words he chose. If one accepts that homosexuality is an immutable characteristic, rather than a choice, then one doesn't "happen" to be gay any more than one "happens" to be female. One may happen to be a Nazi vegan seal trainer, but one is gay, mais non?

Is it a New England thing? Would it be impolite for him to proclaim his sexuality, making it necessary to soften the delivery? New Englanders can be a bit more circumspect than New Yorkers, who are, after all, Queer and [T]Here. (Guess I got used to it.)

Of course, for all of my deconstruction (which has, I am pleased to say, distracted me from work), maybe he just doesn't want his private life to be an issue in his professional life. Most people subscribe to the "I don't care what you are, as long as you don't rub it in my face or otherwise force me to acknowledge it" school of thought when it comes to homosexuality.

I happen to be bemused.

Sha-ZAMM!

I got an offer from the Law Firm That I Heart! We're in the midst of heavy salary negotiations (which consists of me saying "please, please, please, please, please" until, out of embarassment for me, they say, "Okay, just stop whining." Hey - it works for my kids.) I can start as soon as Monday, but I'm likely to push it to 4/10 -- those bonbons I stockpiled aren't going to eat themselves.

I am very, very happy, and rewarded myself by purchasing Mason-Dixon Knitting , which was co-written by a woman I interned for in college, Kay Gardiner. Kay is living my fantasy life -- a lapsed lawyer, Kay apparently fills her day knitting beautiful things and sharing bon mots with her co-author and co-blogger, Ann. Her kids look well-behaved too, but that might be the magic of Hollywood.

So, for a brief moment, life is perfect: I got a job and fiber porn. Sha-ZAMM!

The Girls on Second Avenue

I got a JOB OFFER! Woo hoo! The Large Corporate Former Employer offered me a contract attorney position for 1 year. They want me to start 4/10. I asked them to chill for a day or two while I get the final word from The Law Firm I Heart. With any luck, I'll get an offer from them as well.

Lenten Knittin'

I haven't given up on the Alcohol-Free Lent, but I've decided to take a more positive approach to Lenten sacrifice. I've become a charity knitting madwoman. In the last two weeks, I knitted 5 preemie hats that I will donate to Danbury Hospital and I'm on my 3rd scarf for some random Boy Scout's Eagle Scout project. (OK, he isn't really random. He's one of DB's scouts.) Is there anything better than using up stash while performing works of charity for fellow humans?

I've also accepted a pro bono divorce matter, but I'm not sure if I can mark that one on the Great Board of Lenten Acts of Charity seeing as we operate under the marriage-as-sacrament scheme. Aw heck! The Old Man absconded to some foreign country. There are no kids and no assets. I'm just holding a hand and filling out paperwork.

Still no job, but I've got some gooood feedback on a long term temp gig with a former employer. The money isn't great, but it's a steady paycheck and my solo practice will provide a nice supplement.

It's All in the Timing

Last Monday I finally got around to opening a post office box and ordering business cards for my exciting solo law practice. I'm still looking for a job, but I can no longer proceed as if the job is going to come any day now, n'est-ce pas? So the NEXT DAY, I get a call back for a second interview with a firm I hearted, that I first met with in November, and which was now finally ready to hire. I'm thinking -- Of course this call should come right after I ordered business cards -- perfect timing! (The interview went well, I expect to hear from them in the next week or so, which in law firm time means "July".)

Fast forward to today. DH and I go run some errands -- including picking up my business cards -- and return right after lunch. I look at the clock and say, "Gosh, it's 12:10 and Beloved Client hasn't called yet today." And then my cell phone rings. It is Beloved Client -- perfect timing.

After I got off the phone, I tried again, "Gosh, it's 12:38 and Law Firm that I Heart hasn't called me yet today." The phone hasn't rung yet. Drat.

Design Tip

Don't continue stripe motif on bands of cardi.

Nearly FO 

KO FO

FOs and Peggy Lee Moment

I finally finished my Knitting Olympics entry (blue jackalope sweater, above). I believe this puts me in dead last place, but HEY! I finished. It's an honor just to be nominated, right?

The other, nearly FO, is a Christening present for my nephew, Thomas. I still have to weave in ends and sew on buttons, but I'll do that the night before the blessed event. I started this project in the days leading up to the Knitting Olympics, which is how I was able to finish so soon after finishing the Jackalope sweater.

Now I find myself asking, Is that all there is?
This is the first time in a year or so that I didn't have another definite project waiting in the wings. Sure, I have options, but nothing that must be done next. I have to make a cardi for Thing 3 for the Spring, but I am so far uninspired. Thing 1 "ordered" a ducky sweater, but I'm not keen on her design idea, so I'm hoping to hold off until she comes around. (She wants a cardi with a giant duck across the front. I'm opposed to giant waterfowl splashed across the front because I am certain that once she starts middle school -- 6 months -- she will not wear it. I favor small ducks around the bottom hem.) Uninspired!

I have pounds of sock yarn but no desire to knit socks. I'm could knit myself that jacket, I have no way to justify the yarn purchase (unemployed with many dollars of recent yarn purchases). I can finish the various projects lying around the house, but let's face it -- they've been abandoned for good reason. Maybe I'll spend a few weeks knitting preemie hats.

Chin Hickeys, Standardized Tests & Poor Lenten Choices

Where to begin? When I contemplated which of my lovely daughters I would have the first opportunity to aid and abet in hiding a hickey, I always envisioned Thing 1 as the culprit. Wrong again! Thing 2 sucked her lower lip and chin into a cup yesterday -- REPEATEDLY -- and now has a dark purple hickey covering her entire chin. Her lower lip was swollen so bad last night that she looked like Bubba from Forrest Gump. (It's down now. I've got pictures, but I won't post them until she's got a sense of humor about this.) So there I was, at Brooks this morning, looking for cover up and foundation to match my fair petunia's complexion. It looks very natural! Oy vey.

So, given her recent predilection toward violence and self-consciousness, we kept her out of school today so I could find an appropriate shade of make-up for her. (For those of you wondering, nothing has changed since High School -- there are no miracle cures for hickeys. I don't think claims of burning herself on a curling iron will resonate with the 3rd grade crowd.) She's got the first date of a battery of state-wide standardized tests tomorrow and we run the very real risk that someone will look at her cross-eyed and she will pitch a hissy fit and refuse to take the test. Ah! Bliss!

I chose the wrong time to give up drinking. Yes, having conquered "no chocolate for 40+ days" for the past few years, I decided to go alcohol-free this Lent. Rather than simply enjoying a glass or two of wine in the evening, I obsess over the fact that life I cannot have a glass of wine in the evening. Not unless I want to say to the Lord, "Thanks for suffering and for dying for my salvation, but I had a really tough day . . ." Would it be wrong to take up smoking? I'm feeling a tragic imbalance in my vices.

Why Noggin is SOOO Wrong

Why would any rational 30-something have such a deep loathing of "pre-school on TV"? Because she is unemployed and playing SAHM until she gets a new job and she is SICK TO DEATH of that Moose A. Moose, who thinks he knows everything but doesn't. (Why, oh why, does a channel that purports to educate feature a creature that makes up words? It's stupideriffic of them, and counterish-productalicious!!!)

What is sooo wrong about Noggin? With the exception of Oobi (which rivals Battlestar Gallactica in its perfection) every show on Noggin is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

But first, some nice words. Oobi is perfect. I love Oobi. It should be scheduled for around 8:00 a.m. rather than 11:30. Thing 3 is a day care at 11:30 and I often miss it.

Now, for the nastiness:

Miffy is not a "smart little bunny." In my hours of researching, I've yet to see Miffy do anything exceptional. And why does a rabbit have a dog as a pet? Wouldn't the dog maul the rabbit? I know I would, given the chance.

Max and Ruby. Someone call the Department of Children and Families, please. These children are without adult supervision nearly all the time. I'd like to see Ruby whack Max upside the head the next time he bugs her.

Franklin. Oy vey. One of Franklin's friends is a female beaver named "Beaver". Yet the writers didn't think to name the male rooster "Cock".

Blue's Clues doesn't bother me much, except that Steve is a dope and Joe's name is really Donovan.