Final Minutes of My Mid-Thirties

The annual reflection-fest from the day before my birthday.

This morning, Thing 2 said "Mom, today you should have a great day. It is your last day of being in your mid-30s!" Ugh. Thanks, Hon. I bet Santa will remember your kind words thoughts.

I'm still in the office, with my rabid boss who is adamant about completing a series of documents so we can send them to a new client tomorrow morning. Because we are both working on this document, I've come to realize just how slow a typist our word processor is. Am I being too harsh? Yes, I could have been done with all of the changes -- rabid boss's in addition to mine -- a half hour ago and she's only barely started mine. But I also wrote the damn document and know what it's about, so I would naturally do it faster.

No. Not being unfair. This is the woman who answered the phone by identifying her day job an hour ago, regularly misspells my name, never looks up addresses, and does not put two spaces after periods and colons.

Anyway, reflections. That's what this post is about.

1. I like my job. I really do -- this isn't some bogus affirmation. I just wish I didn't have to deal with stupid people and/or the understaffedness of this place. And the constant interruptions by my minions and overlords makes me want to scream.

2. Katie can practically write her name. OK, so her "K" looks like an "H", but the "a" is definitely an "a". And for the rest of her name, there are distinct marks, but I'm not sure any of them qualifies as a "t", "i" or "e".

3. Maura has really blossomed this year and will be quite the heart breaker when she is older. When she wears her hair down, and if she's wearing a good color for her, like red, she is drop dead gaw-jus. Of course, I heard all that from the grown-ups when I was her age, and I found it insulting and hard to comprehend. So I don't say anything about it to her.

4. Ciara is -- gasp -- practically a teenager. Her mood can swing like a pendulum. She is so much like me it is scary. Makes me almost nostalgic for the pre-meds days. (Me and no one else, mindyou).

5. John is still the coolest man in the world. We got him a Harley-Davidson Road Pig this summer. He hearts it, but I gotta tell you that I find the fascination a bit annoying. So I stick a handprint on it whenever I pass.

OK, I'm being hauled back into reality and I'm being gently hazed for telling a law student she could go home after class rather than coming back in to work at 9:00.

Until next year!

Crosby, Stills, Nash and/or Young Moment

So Thing 2, her super-cool 12-year old bad self, begins a conversation with the t'other day as follows:

"We were watching this show -- well, it's like an ongoing story and we didn't see it from the beginning. But whatever. Anyway, the show was called 'Degrassi'. It was really good."

I was verklempt.

Now I was not the Degrassi Junior High fan, but my BFF was and I know all about Spike and her hair and unwed pregnancy. But still it does this Momma proud.

I hear Snake is all growed up and has a kid attending whatever Degrassi school is featured on Degrassi.

Sold Out By Calvin & Hobbes

I nearly fell off my chair. I thought it was the pinot noir reading (it happens). But there I was, not 30 minutes ago, when my 30-something, smarty-pants, know-it-all, over-ejumacated self learned that "transmogrify" is a real word.

Not just a real word like so many Websters Exciting International Fabulous Edition 28th creations, but a REAL real word. (BTW, I must be an early adopter. I've known bubkes was a word for, like, a year. Maybe two.)

As in, trans.mog.ri.fy to change in appearance or form, esp. strangely or grotesquely; tranform. [vulgar or humorous coinage]. The Collegiate Dictionary, Random House, 1984.

Not the OED, I'll admit. But, more importantly, not "Calvin & Hobbes made it up to describe what happens when FREAKIN CALVIN GOES INTO THE TRANSMOGRIFICATION BOX AND CLONES HIMSELF!!!!!!"

which is where I thought the word came from

Well, imagine my chagrin, while reading a print out from Wright and Miller*, to see the words "TRO transmogrification". I thought, "law professors don't have senses of humor, what's this 'transmogrification' usage about?" Then I thought, "Law professors DO have senses of humor, but ABSOLUTELY not in their formal writing...Could 'transmogrify' be a word?????."

My trusty dictionary and its youthful backup are in my office. But luckily I keep a spare at home. I guess I can keep using the word, but only wistfully, not ironically. It isn't fun to say it anymore, now that it's legitimate usage. I'll have to make up a new word, like "changeamicate" or something.

There's no "yes, Virginia" letter for me.


__________________
*Lawer thingy. Talk amongst yourselves.

Habemus Coachem?

Not yet. White and navy whisps of smoke coming out of the chimney at the Steinbrenner compound in Tampa signals to the world that a new Yankees coach has been discerned.

Interestingly enough, the colored smoke is created when bits of Billy Martin's many contracts are added to the fire.

More Insipid Factoids from the 'Vator

Or "Elligator", as Thing 3 calls it.

Yesterday's factoid: researchers determined that dogs are (significant)% more likely to bite children than adults because the dogs are concerned that the children might take their toys or food.

My question -- did they interview a statistically representative sample of dogs or did they just interview their own dogs? Because you can get a skewed result if you only, say, talk to celebutante purse dogs and don't get enough labs in there.

Also, maybe the dogs just recognize that children taste better. You know it's true: how many times have you gobble up baby feet? And how many times have you put adult feet in your mouth? (Not counting your own feet. See last post.)

It is scientific fact that children are more juicy and tender. Again -- mutton versus spring lamb. You know what you'd choose.

My own dog? She informs me that she is 83% more likely to throw up on a clean part of our carpet than on the hardwood floor, where it won't stain.