Pre-Birthday Rant

It's been my practice, on the day before my birthday, to review the prior year to give voice to what I learned. I've decided to add a new tradition this year: the rant 2 days before my birthday. (I recognize that it is now technically the day before my birthday, but I haven't gone to sleep yet and I wrote out my list of rant issues on 10/29, so I'm going with it.)

1. Can the sistah step up? Would all the hatin' on Sarah Palin, and her relative lack of experience, be quite so vociferous if she were male? Would anyone question whether a smart male with political leadership experience and abilities could step up to the job of El Jefe if fate thrust him into that position? Yes, Sarah Palin is a neophyte in the national political arena and in the international arena. So was Bill Clinton and he is now regarded as one of the best presidents of the last 25 years. I see that she is inexperience, but I also see someone who is smart enough, if thrust into that role, to rely on the judgment of the people who surround her until she's got the experience to stand on her own. Just like Bill Clinton. (Disclaimer, I recognize that politically there is a deep chasm, infested with sharks with frickin' laser beams on their frickin' heads, between Palin and Clinton. This is strictly experience, leadership, ability to learn OTJ.)

2. 80s Retro Revisionist History. Reality: Popular music in the 1980s was dominated by saccharine ballads (Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Debbie Gibson), slutty dance tunes (Stacy Q, LisaLisa, Madonna), painful metalhead crap (Twisted Sister, Poison), and Michael Jackson.

Revisionism: Popular Music in the 1980s was dominated by British Technopop (Depeche Mode, Human League), New Wave/Alternative Music (The Cure, New Order), REM, U2 and whatever else I was listening to at the time.

I am greatly vexed by this. I suffered for good music back in the day. Now the Man is trying to make it his own. Not cool.

3. Tips for Takeout. Did the tipping convention in this country change and no one tell me. My understanding was that you tip for service -- table service, delivery service, hair styling. I have long been slightly put off when I pay for food with a card and the "merchant's copy" has a tip line, but I can't expect them to reprogram the machines for take out. But let's be clear -- the person handing you your boxed pizza is no more than a cashier and counterperson. No tip expected, right?

Unfortunately, the chicks at my favorite pizza joint have certain expectations that make me want to slap them. It is kind of a bistro setting -- seating for no more than 50, live jazz on the weekends, sexy salads, etc. -- and my family hates the place. So I only get take out. But the last 2 times I was there I paid cash and the pizza box deliverer asked, "do you need change"? And I'm like, "yes", and she harumphs because they don't have a cash register and she has to find paper money and coins in some jar, and she's all huffy because she probably isn't going to be tipped for handing me my pizza box. I'mma kick her ass next time.

So, did I sleep through the day when they announced the change of this convention?

4. Sci-Fi Network. Only television station in the world where a single season of a show can span 2 full years, with a year-long hiatus in the middle of the season.

5. First Year Quasi-Lawyers - ours is going into service with the government for several years starting in January and thinks that that means she can and should work 8 hour days because (as she apparently said to someone yesterday), "What is Dungeon Master going to do? Fire me??" I'm thinking...yes if the bitch don't step up and quick. I'm working twice as many hours as she does and I'm supposed to be leaving before her. And I'm going to have the Dungeon Master's ear Tuesday thru Thursday next week as we go on yet another California trip.

6. My Stupid Mouth (crafting) - why, when I have no time to breath and even forgot to tell The Hubbins about the California trip next week until today and had a major freakout because we were temporarily faced with leaving all 3 girls completely unattended for the whole trip, why do I volunteer to do crafting projects for people. "Oh, you like internal combustion engines? You know, I can knit you a scale Edsel that really works!"

7. My Stupid Mouth II (perception = reality) -- this one gets me. I could rant for weeks on this, but I still have to drive home. Anyhoo. I have the reputation in the office of giving "unclear instructions". This was probably true at first because (1) new to the whole supervisory thing, (2) assumed my subordinates knew more than they actually do [and perhaps ever will. It is tough being omniscient], (3) confused "explaining every molecule of information relating to a case that the person has been working on for weeks and should know anyway" [good] with "talking down to the person" [bad] so my instructions weren't "directive" enough. So, yes, unclear instructions probably true for several months. But not anymore because I send emails with 6-7 lengthy paragraphs of explanation for every "draft this enclosure letter" assignment I give.

But the smell lingers and anytime I don't send the lengthy email explaining life, universe, everything, and I get handed back crap, they assignee gets to say my instructions weren't clear and I get to hear from Dungeon Master about how people are still saying that my instructions aren't clear and I need to work on the perception so they have no where to go and will be forced to give me good work.

Of course, when I write the lengthy explanations and get crap, there is always some dying cat, compelling project for more senior person, or eczema rash to justify that (although Dungeon Master is beginning to see things my way. Love that redlining function!)

8. Dogs that just don't "get it". I love me some Ginger, but she finds creative ways to pee on my carpet every time. I am tired of cleaning the carpet every weekend, but I did it last week and will do it again this week. I suppose i should be glad that she localizes her actions to certain spots, and it isn't the entire living room or wall-to-wall second floor. Anyway, it is fair to say that when we have some extra cheddah, we will be installing hardwood floors throughout house.

9. Husband's Inability to Read Mind. How could he not know I need to go to California next week. It's been in my calendar for weeks. If he really loved me, he would have called my secretary to find out what I had coming up. Or rifled through my planner. Or looked on my Crackberry.

10. People Who are No Fun. Not much to say on this. I like being silly. I like goofiness. I work too many hours to deal with people who are always grumpy. Everyone gets moody and grumpy -- I'm not exactly Miss Mary Sunshine. But I do embrace the absurdity that is life, and hate it when I'm around people who don't even sense that there could be absurdity.

Bleah. Not even going to reread this.