must shut mouth...Must Shut Mouth...MUST SHUT MOUTH

I really must, you know, but I can't help myself. If an apportunity make an obnoxious comment presents itself, I cannot help myself. Makes me want to scrawl across the walls,

PLEASE STOP ME BEFORE I SNARK AGAIN

I met a colleague for the first time yesterday. Let's call him ... Colleague Guy from New York Office.. Too early to think of appropriate name. I had spoken with CGNYO in the past and he has pitched in on my cases, but we'd never met. I think he felt put out the last time he pitched in, but whatever.

Anyay, CGNYO has an ethnic name that just evoked a strong image of nearly every guy I went to high school with, but if they had brains enough to go to law school and wear a suit. I pictured slick wavy hair, perfect suit, perfect teeth, perfect weight, single, lady killer. Basically, a metrosexual pretty boy. What I saw was a regular guy, around 30 years old, baby pix all over the place, not traditionally handsome by any means, in a really good suit, with lots of hair product. The second two things should have tipped me off that he would be the metrosexual pretty boy if he could, but he couldn't.

So I'm introduced and I jokingly tell him that he doesn't look like him. More pleasantries are exchanged and Then the person who introduced us walks away. He goes back to the "doesn't look like me" and instead of just saying "ha ha", or "I pictured someone with a hook and a dueling scar", I say "I pictured slick, wavy hair, overstyled, pretty boy." He teased me a bit and I tried explaining that not being a "pretty boy" is a compliment, but I think he was actually insulted by this. In retrospect, I suppose if someone I never met said, "you're no hottie", true though it may be, I'd be put out.

Before insulting my colleagues, I told Thing 2 that she could have "one free punch in the face" of Thing 1 because Thing 1 made fun of her. She immediately wound up and I had to dive in to hold her back.

Must shut mouth.